Eleven days ago we publicly announced that we are going to follow our hearts and pursue adoption. Since then we have been met with support, but we have also had a lot of people ask questions about our intentions. So, it is my desire to answer those questions in this post. I hope to be completely honest and transparent so that you get a glimpse into my heart, which will perhaps, allow you to understand better as to why we are going down this road.
The biggest question we’ve received is this: “Why don’t you just have another baby of your own?”
This is a BIG one.
And, maybe, it’s our fault that so many people are wondering this. Maybe you know this about me, maybe you don’t, but one of my huge pet peeves is when people are open about the fact that they are trying to have a baby. Because of my embarrassment, Andrew and I have not (until recently) told anyone that since last January, we have been trying to have a baby. At first it just started as a “Wouldn’t it be crazy if we had #1 and #2 so close together? If it happens, it happens…” but after a few months of nothing, it slowly started to eat away at me. Why couldn’t I get pregnant? Why was it so easy last time? Why is it not working this time? So, unplanned ‘what if’s’ and ‘maybes’ turned into intentional attempts and tracking ovulation, which still produced nothing.
I have not been to the doctor, we have not had any kind of medical treatment to help conceive. By the time we realized something may be wrong, it was really too late for us to conceive in the timeline that we wanted to. We went to Peru and were told by several medical professionals and a CDC worker to not get pregnant for a year after traveling to South America — for fear of Zika.
Honestly, after hearing this question so much, I’ve questioned if we should even be adopting, or if we should not be selfish, wait the year, go to the doctor and then have a biological baby. But for as many times as I’ve wondered this I’ve never stayed in that mindset long. I know there is a mother out there, who probably hasn’t even conceived our child yet, who will be the perfect fit for us. Our baby may not be coming to us in the traditional way, but it is still our baby, and we are greatly anticipating his or her arrival.
Second question: “But it’s so much money. How are you going to afford it?”
Ok, I have to admit, this one has gotten me, too. And to be honest, I don’t know how we’re going to afford it. We have faith that where there is a will there is a way. We set up our GoFundMe and we have raised $455 so far. The program we are in (see more details below) is the “cheaper” of the two programs that the agency offers, but it’s still 26-40 thousand dollars. *Lifts jaw back up.*
The first phase of money that we need is $1,000 and we are almost there. This is for the home study. After the home study (30-60 days) we need $1,300 to get our profile created (video and print advertising our family). The last fee we need is the activation fee of $4,000. After we pay the activation fee our profile is active and birth mothers can see us, and then choose us. That is when the 1-6 month wait period starts. When we get matched, the money for the adoption is due. There is a 48 hour period until the big money is due.
We debated on when to become public and start our GoFundMe. However, we decided that the earlier our family and friends know about our decision, the better potential we have to raise money for our baby.
Lastly, we are also giving to our fund. We save a large portion of both of our paychecks every time we get paid. We are not asking you to do something that we are not already doing.
Again, I am trying to be completely transparent in this post and in this journey. We really do need your help.
We are not going to be able to raise that much money on our own. We REALLY need your help. If all of our friends and family (on Facebook alone) gave $50, we would have our adoption funded. Now, I am not in any way, shape, or form expecting every single person we are acquaintances with to donate. But, my point is, while that number seems huge, it is obtainable. Your donation, even if it is small, helps! Please prayerfully consider donating to our family, to a child who is not even born yet to have an opportunity in this world. An opportunity, that they probably will not have otherwise.
The third and final question we’ve been getting: “Where are you going to adopt from? Will it be an infant?”
This is the easiest question to answer. We’re working with American Adoptions out of Overland Park, KS. We will be adopting from somewhere in the US and the baby will be an infant. We are in the Agency Assisted program which means that our baby will have African American in him/her. This could range from full African American to Caucasian/African American mix, or any other mix. Average wait time for match is 1-6 months and placement 1-9 months.
We understand that the calling to adopt is not one that everyone feels. We totally get it. However, we feel it. We want this. My heart is aching in the anticipation and waiting. I want to be holding our baby in my arms. We need your help to make this happen, even if you don’t get it, maybe even if you don’t agree with it.
Please, if you are able, help us. Our Go Fund Me will not be the only opportunity.
We will be doing garage sales, fundraisers, sales. Keep reading our blog for updates with that information. Remember, that you are giving a child a family, a future, an opportunity to see themselves through the eyes of our loving God.
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
1 John 3:18